restoringhonor | eight ➢ voice

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eight ➢ voice

I won't bother trying to brush all that off. Had things been different? I guess that person... during the flood, I mean. I could have been him.

My family doesn't exactly have the cleanest record when it comes to knowing how to run a country without just exterminating anything that got in our way. Or without using fear and torture to get people to listen to us.

But I know that. And I know that it's not the best way to run a country. Or that it's even acceptable. What we did was wrong, and cruel, and it had to be stopped. I saw that, and I fought for it to become a reality. A world where peace and kindness could help repair the damage and

I'm still fighting for it. We won the war, but that doesn't mean everything's magically been fixed. It'll take work, and it's not going to be easy, but that's what we have to do. And I'll keep fighting for that - a world where people aren't ruled by fear or prejudice or violence - until the day I die.

[Private to Vanessa]

I'm sorry.

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[At least she knocks on his door instead of kicking it this time, but it's not a happy-sounding knock.]

[He opens it and stares at her without saying anything, once again wearing his usual robe, shirt and pants combination and the burn scar is once again, on his face.]

We're going to have that fight in the CES now. [She doesn't actually sneer his title at him, but the thought of it is in her voice clearly enough.]

Why? [People will find the body in there, Vanessa, this plan was not well thought through. :|]

Because I had to put up with acting like her for days. I had to say those things. And because you still don't think I can fight for myself.

[There's a decent pause.]

Okay.

[He turns away for a moment, leaving the door open, to retrieve his swords, slinging the scabbard across his back as usual and headed back for the door.] Let's go.

[She watches him get them, then turns for the CES, slipping into stealth as she goes. Zuko might be able to see her anyway, but she doesn't want to deal with anyone else right then.

Besides, it's hard to hide daggers in her armor.]

[Zuko is silent the whole way to the CES and opens the door without comment. It's a relatively shady, dense forest, almost swampy without actually having a swamp to wade through, but the humidity and creeping moss was the same.

He walked a decent way in, and after fining a good spot, he stopped and faced Vanessa directly for the first time in minutes.]

I'm not going to Firebend at you.

[Good for her, with all the shadows, though forest isn't really the terrain she's used to. She stopped when Zuko did, narrowing her eyes as he spoke.]

I've fought mages before. I can handle fire. [Pointedly:] And frost.

That's not what I- [He cut himself off quickly.] I just want to use my swords. It's nothing to do with you or your skill.

[It had everything to do with his counterpart and his enthusiasm for setting people and things on fire still being too fresh in his mind to be excited about the prospects of bending just now, but he didn't feel up to explaining that to her if he didn't have to.]

[She pulled her daggers despite looking pretty obviously like she didn't believe that in the slightest.]

Fine, then. Use them.

[And she moved back a bit, defensively, waiting for him to make the first move. She wasn't sure she was going to win this - she'd never seen Zuko really fight before and she was at a considerable disadvantage while he could see her (and while she couldn't poison him) - but she was determined to put up a hard fight at the very least.]

[His only response was to draw his swords, holding each in one hand, and once he was sure she was ready, he darted forward and lunged with both blades. He did have some pent up aggression and emotion he needed to deal with, and this was definitely one way of handling it.]

[So did she - but mostly she wanted to make him realize that she wasn't his friend who needed saving, that he had to take her seriously in a fight... and in everything else. She blocked the thrust instead of dodging it, then feinted high with one dagger to draw his attention, the other slashing lower a split second later.]

[He met both strikes easily - one of the benefits of being used to fighting ambidextrously - and swung a leg up, aiming to kick her in the stomach and knock her backwards.]

[With the length of his swords, he had considerable reach on her, so moving away was dangerous - but she did it anyway, leaping back from the kick so it landed with much less force than it normally might have.

And then she continued backing off, putting enough distance between them that he'd have to follow her to keep attacking. She could feel the shadows of the forest behind her. Zuko might be able to see her in the open, but she doubted he could see through trees as easily - and while cover wasn't as good as stealth, it was better than nothing.]

[Zuko didn't hesitate in following her. Rushing into things - however impractical at times - was how he operated, and he was upset and distracted enough to not really think about why this might be a bad idea.]

[As soon as she'd lured him fully into the shade, she shadowstepped, dissolving into nothingness only to reappear behind him in the next instant and immediately take a double-handed stab for his back, the same as she'd done with David... though with only bruising force behind it this time.]

[He had a fraction of a second second or two to realize he'd made a mistake before her strike hit him in the back. He staggered forward and might have fallen over, but caught himself and settled for turning around quickly and backing off, still holding his swords.]

Ow.

[Hitting him was definitely satisfying, but she wasn't sure if it was just stupid pigheadedness that had gotten him to leave himself so open or him underestimating her again, and the second prospect was not one that made her happy. She didn't follow as he backed away, but stayed balanced, ready.]

Throw fire at me.

No. [He is not budging on this, Vanessa. :|]

You won't touch me, just like that ice blast wouldn't have if you hadn't thrown away the best chance we had at stopping him. Do it.

No! [He snaps, his hands clenching around his swords, before consciously trying to calm down.]

Not today. If you want to do this again, fine, but not today.

Too much like what the other you wanted to do to me?

[Sneer. ...though why this Zuko was having so much trouble with the idea, she didn't really know.]

Yes. No.

[He heaves a sigh, looking away from her for a beat.]

It's complicated.

Complicated. Really. [She looks extremely unimpressed by this. More so than usual.]

Then I suppose if you won't fight you might as well explain it.

[Which is getting you a frown.]

... Firebending can be fueled by hate and anger. That's how he - I... my counterpart fought, and I'm too upset and frustrated about just having all these memories of what I could have been like if things had gone differently for me. I'm not that person, I don't want to be that person and I don't want to Firebend right now. I trust my control and I know you can defend yourself, but I don't want to fight you like that. Not now.

How are you different than him?

[This is an unfair question and even she knows it, but politics.

I don't set people on fire for fun. [All the anger and bitterness, right there.]

[...revenge is an okay thing to set people on fire for, right? Right.]

And how will you be a better leader than him? At least he could have cowed people into following him.

You ended one war, fine. How are you going to keep another one from starting where it left off? How are you going to fix the problems the first one left behind? You're here for information you should be using spies to find, not wasting your own time with. If you can't give work to the right people for the job, you can't lead a group, let alone a nation. If you can't use all the power you have, and well, someone who can will take it from you, by force or by stealth.

How will the people's lives be better if they suffer under a lord who doesn't know how to rule than one who doesn't care how he rules?

What kind of information do you think I'm here for?

It doesn't matter.

Yeah, it does.

No, it doesn't. There's nothing you could want to know that a well-run network with a kingdom behind it couldn't find out.

When I was eight, my father dishonored my uncle and grandfather after my cousin died, and my grandfather told him he needed to experience the pain of losing a first born child. He was going to do it, but my mother intervened. The next morning, my grandfather was dead, my father was declared Fire Lord and my mother was missing. My father told me before the end of the war that she'd only been banished, and that she might still be alive somewhere, but won't give me any more information, and neither will anyone else.

You don't know anything about what the Fire Nation's like right now. We don't have a well-run network with a kingdom behind it. I chose to come here now, with the promise that time wouldn't pass while I was gone, to get this out of the way and keep me focused on what matters to my people instead of some personal issue I'll never be able to let go of. I need to know if she's alive or not.

Give it to you? You don't know how to find it or take it. And if you've been in a war for a hundred years and don't have spies... [wtf.]

If you can't put it aside without knowing, what will you do when something else comes up, something that isn't years old? You won't always have the Admiral to turn to.

I don't have spies I can trust.

You're seriously going to tell me if our positions were reversed, you wouldn't want to have an answer? I want to go home. I want to do my job. But I have to know about this.

I don't know if my mother is alive or dead, but it didn't stop me at home and it wouldn't there, either. [...not knowing her probably helped with that.]

What do you think your job is?

What if it was your father?

I'm going to restore honor to the Fire Nation and balance to our world by taking responsibility for what we've done, and work to start rebuilding and repairing the damage. I want to end the years of hatred between the different kingdoms and tribes and build a world where it doesn't matter what village you came from.

[It takes a lot not to snap at him not to talk about her father, but she manages. Barely.]

A country needs spies to stay safe. If I needed answers, I would have found or made spies I could trust, then used them. You'll have to do it when you go back anyway... or find someone who knows how, and pray you can trust them with that much information, that much power.

And this ideal world of yours, are you Fire Lord of the whole thing? Do you rule it? Because it won't matter what village a common man comes from if he's trapped there all his life. If he'll never have a chance to have his voice be heard or lead, himself, because of an accident of birth like the one you think makes you entitled to talk about a whole country's honor as if you spoke for them all.

This is something I have to do for myself.

And no, I'm not the leader of all of it. This might come as a surprise? [Bitter, bitter sarcasm.] But I've kind of had a lot of exposure to why total dictatorship doesn't work when it comes to people's happiness and safety.

Why do you have to do it yourself?

Lordships don't work, either. There may be a leader to direct them, but the people have to rule themselves. Without equality among the people of one country, you'll never build a world where it doesn't matter where you come from, because a prince will always be worth more than a peasant.

Because it's my fault she was banished! If she hadn't been trying to protect me, it wouldn't have happened! I don't even know if she's alive, or if my father was just lying to me to buy time and he actually had her executed!

[He cuts himself off, still visibly upset and takes a long moment to calm down before replying to the second part.]

And I know that.

It doesn't matter whether it was your fault. There will always be things that are your fault, and if you go after all of them alone, you won't have time to do what needs to be done for the future and someone else will take control of that instead.

[His hands clench tightly again and he quickly sheathes the swords, turning away from her.] You can pretend you understand or try to make me question whether or not I made the right decision all you want. But you don't, and you don't know me. We're done here.

[She laughs at his back.] I don't understand? I grew up learning how lead a free people, not you. I'm the one who's done it.

What do you know besides selfishness? Doing what you want because you want to do it, because you think it's personal, and not putting your people before yourself. No, I know you well enough.

[Flatly:] Of course you do.

Well enough to beat you even with you keeping half my strengths from me. Well enough to get you to give me your back again afterwards.

You may think I went too far, but at least I knew what I was doing.

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eight ➢ voice

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